My father kept bringing in what seemed like an endless stream of ministers in conjunction with a community youth program he had organized. They would talk to me to no avail until one day Linda showed up. She was a lay person who ministered with a group dad had brought in from Albuquerque. And she smoked! I was amazed! I thought you couldn't do that if you were in ministry. It flew in the face of my pentecostal upbringing. So here I was this preacher's kid drinking and drugging, and smoking a pack of Camels a day, sitting on the floor smoking cigarrettes with this lady showing me scriptures about the Holy Spirit. Something happened to me when she put her hands on me and prayed for me that changed me forever. I felt the love and power of God in a way I had never experienced it. I knew this was real! Within a few months I had quit all the drugs and alcohol and even cigarrettes. I was on a pink cloud of emotion, but I was headed for a fall. I was 15. About six months later I made the mistake of dating a girl who was obviously not a Christian! My raging hormones did my thinking for me and before I knew it I was loaded again and worse off than ever. I wouldn't be clean and sober again until I was 30.

Although I had returned to my party lifestyle, I kept going to church. I continued to read the Bible constantly. It seemed to be alive ever since my encounter with Linda and the Holy Spirit. The Epistles were my favorite, and I found a lot of comfort there in spite of my escalating drug and alcohol abuse. I was in denial. And though waves of guilt and shame would nearly overwhelm me, I couldn't seem to quit no matter what I tried. At the age of 23 I was married with two kids and in horrible despair.

I'll never forget the day John D. told me he was an alcoholic. I had come to the door looking for his stepson, (one of my drinking buddies) with a six-pack under my arm. I offered him one and he refused as he began to explain that his second wife had left him because of his drinking, and that he had to quit. He talked about the disease of alcoholism, and showed me a little A.A. flyer with a quiz about drinking. So I look at the questions and then I look inside, and it says "if you answered yes to three of these questions, you're probably alcoholic." And I'm thinking, "oh my God, I'm an alcoholic!" within a year I was in the first of four rehab's over a six year period that saw me get worse and worse as the disease progressed. I would stay sober for three or four months, go to Alcoholics Anonymous meetings, relapse, and get worse. These were terrible times for my wife and kids, as well as my parents. I didn't realize it at the time, but towards the end I would ask my wife why she stayed with me and she would just shrug her shoulders and say, "I don't know."

Finally in 1989, I was at a rehab called Valley Hope and I met a man who would become my sponsor in N.A. God used David to save my life. I had been to a lot of 12-step meetings but had never really done the steps.

Didn't think I needed to. A "spiritual giant" like me. The steps seemed really silly to me and I remember thinking, how can these steps help me stop drinking? My new sponsor had other ideas. He encouraged me to work the first five steps before I left treatment. Then, to attend five or six A.A. or N.A. meetings a week. He would call me two or three times a week, long distance, to help me stay on track. I don't think I could have made it without his encouragement. By the grace of God I've been clean and sober since then. David was also the first person I ever heard talk about sex addiction. He was attending a 12-step group for that too. Later, I would have to come to terms with my own sex addiction, and once again, 12-step groups were vital to my recovery. At first I was reluctant to put much faith in A.A. But after trying everything I could in Christian religion, I became desperate! I have found that the 12-steps and the fellowships that use them have enriched my Christian Experience tremendously. In fact, next to my encounter with the Holy Spirit, they have been the most powerful influence in my life.

Jesus is my Lord, and I am a redeemed alcoholic and "everything addict." I can't drink at all. And I don't want to. However, if I take that first one, I know I'll have no control of the outcome. That's what I mean when I say I'm an alcoholic or an addict. It's what I am in the flesh and I have to deal with it, one day at a time.